Sunday, November 19th, 2006
"Its just when you love someone that you sink deeper beyond reason,
where reasons are not answers but uncertain emotions, where the right
time is always too late.. but still perfect!"
Haiz.. how true indeed. Deeper beyond reason?? True.. Crazy how
everything else just fades away. Doesnt mean as much as it did before.
No matter how much people try to tell you otherwise.. you try to reason
out. You try to find loopholes in their reasoning. You tell yourself..
its just because they dont know him the way I know him. But then
again.. HOW indeed do u know him?? Through those special moments that
only the two of you shared? Through those special conversations that
only the two of you know about? Through those extra gestures that you
know.. you just know.. there is something. But then that little voice
in your head.. that comes out only at the wee hours of dawn.. give you
something to think about. That little voice that merely lacks
confidence in what you think your heart is sure about. That challenges
your logic altogether. Its bad enough that people have been giving you
their apprehensions.. now you have to deal with yours as well?! And it
sucks because you want to be sure.. you want to be so sure that you
know your right.. they are wrong.. he is true.. what we have is true..
there is something.. he is being honest.. and that things will be
alright. But you know that thats just wishful thinking.. and your just
being stupid.. the way love makes one stupid. And you decide to just
back off a little.. give yourself some space to reprocess these
uncertain emotions.. back off to save room for yourself.. back off and
just hope that these uncertain emotions.. and the feeling itself..
would just fade away. But then just when you assumed things would be
better.. HE starts asking questions.. the same questions that you’ve
been asking yourself.. the very same questions that you’ve been losing
sleep over (hehehe! dont mind me).. and you project the same facade
you’ve been conveying to your friends.. but you dont give him any
confirmations.. letting him hang the way you’ve been hanging for the
past few months.. and its one unhealthy relationship.. but you cant
blame yourself.. because its not like your out deriving happiness out
of this whole crappy situation.. and when you really think about it..
which happens a lot now these days (you frustratingly realize.. and
come to terms with!).. all this absurdity.. all this ridiculousness..
this insanity.. this unreasonableness.. this senselessness! (well.. you
get the idea.. LOL) would all come to an end.. if only you would do
something about it. But your stupid pride wouldnt allow it.. because
you just dont want to be the one to act on it. Why should you be the
one? Hehehe.. see how illogical things are?! (Sheesh.. what have I
gotten myself into! Tsktsktsk..)
