LOVE CULT

Lapsus linguae. It happens too often to me. Much too often for the average person. Some trivial and some not so trivial. In my senseless babble, I consistently manage one or two. Don’t know why. An honest mistake on my part. An innocent mistake. But still a mistake. Doesnt make it any less painful for you. Think before speaking, I really should keep that in mind. Or better yet, not speak at all. The less talk, the less error. Less is more, they say. But isnt silence confused as well?! Hmm… this is tough. Tougher than I anticipated. I really am sorry, you know. Or I hope you do know. Do you? If you dont, then you dont know me after all. Thirteen years all down the drain. But it shouldnt be like that. Just because of that single talk that we had. How many talks have we had all in all? Too many. Too many, if you think about it. And  will it all go to waste? I know at times I dont make any sense, I talk in circles, and too many times you end up puzzled and confused. Well, that makes both of us. But dont accuse me though of having misled you. It would be a bit unfair to me. Dont you think? See, I told you you should not have gone there. (Sorry, couldnt resist to tell you "I told you so". Its not too often I get to use that. Its usually you telling me that.) Its uncharted territory. A thing like this always end up quite the cliche everyone expects. But now that the momentum is gone, what happens next? Dont read more into my silence though. It means nothing. Just that. Simply silence. Maybe Im unconsciously trying to avoid anymore slip of the tongue. Hmm… really should address this to you, instead of blogging this. Its getting too freakishly Dougie Houser for me. Hehe…

  

 

 Hmm... moments in Portofino. Me and my girls talking about our fave songs (and who it goes out to!). When Cione Anne mentioned that hers would have to be Steep. Sang the song and realized... nyc man diay ang lyrics. Relate nsad nuon... especially the chorus part: For you the future's easy, so dontweep, for me it's getting steep. Yup... steep jud! Hahai... 

:  Steep, Lauren Christy  :Softly, gently, I will let you downCause I don't love you in the same way nowI can hold you but not with lover's armsCause you are more of a brother to me nowAnd I can lie next to you, but I can't lie to you

So walk into the sun and watch meRun into the rain,For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's gettingSteep

I loved you for exactly who you are,And I'd say you've come the nearest yet by far,

And I can lie next to you, but I can't lie to you

So walk into the sun and watch meRun into the rain,For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's getting

Steeper and in the dark that's where I want to beDeeper, I'm going somewhere you won't want to see...

So walk into the sun and watch meRun into the rain,For you the future's easy, so don't weepYes I will watch you,Walk into the sun and watch meRun into the rain drops

For you the future's easy, so don't weepFor me it's gettingSteep.                             my only comforting thought or quote (hahaha!): 
That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that. It's not a thing you can forget.  Maybe not even a thing you want to forget.... Life's like that sometimes... Now and then for no good reason you can figure out, life will just haul you off and knock you flat, slam you against the ground so hard it seems like all your insides is busted.  But it's not all like that.  A lot of it's mighty fine, and you can't afford to waste the good part frettin' about the bad.  That makes it all bad.... Sure, I know - sayin' it's one thing and feelin' it's another.  But I'll tell you a trick that's sometimes a big help. When you start lookin' around for something good to take the place of the bad, as a general rule you can find it.                           ~ From the movie Old Yeller

        

Clever and mysterious. You’re no longer just a line in a song. But still just a dreamyacht, peacefully sailing in my head. But I’ve got all that I’m allowed, it’ll do for now. Unconsciously though I count the hours, they go so slow. Filled with doubt but I try to comprehend. Can you forget the world that you thought you knew?! Cause I’m stitched up like an angel chord. I don’t belong living in a precious memory.
And what are you hiding from? Is it safe there inside your walls?
The walls get higher every day and the barriers almost always get in the way. You can’t keep on concealing, seriously!
How are you supposed to dream, with all the static in your head?! There is no good reason. Ironically you think you’re invincible, so busy building castles in the sky. No ultimatum.
Past the point of no returning (hopefully Im wrong!). Now Im just dehydrated. My soul is evaporating. Think there has been a drought in my fountain of ignis fatuus (deep words there! hahaha.. in laymens term: my illusion. argh!). So wont you saturate me? Cause Im now tired of just standing there, praying for the rain. But if you think you can dishearten me and just bring me down. Well you can go ahead and try. Coz Ive got a backbone stronger than yours.  

SEE!!!…madness does take its toll, please have exact change. Bwahahahaha… feel like crying now. My sense of humor needs a break.

Unjust. How many times have I used that word. Scolded myself with it. Day in and day out. But somehow I never learn. The way I always revert to my old ways. I am my own heaven and hell, I say. And it overwhelms me at times, the pain I mean. It catches me when Im least expecting it. The same way you turn on the shower expecting the cold water to wash over after a hot summer day, only to find out that somebody had turned on the heater and now you realize that the water is slowly scalding your skin. An understatement ofcourse, the comparison I made. Uncomparable to the real thing. Slapped twice, stabbed thrice. Execrable. Detestable. Extremely bad. And I thought I was nobodys fool. Laughed so hard at the thought. Simply believed it was not subject to the laws of space and time. Well, guess whos laughing now. Indisputable. Incontrovertible. Unquestionable. Unchallenged. How your bad for me. I knew that fact. That mathematical fact. Tried to bear that in mind. Dwelled upon the idea unceasingly. Perpetually even. Made it a mental stain. Guess logic lost. Stupid girl! No excuses and alibis this time. No make believe tourniquets. Cant simply shrug this one off. What next Love?! What next?! Oh no..talking to myself again. Tsk tsk tsk. Definitely a bad sign.